Friday, 17 February 2017

Supporters' Club notes from 1979

A bit of an odd one ...does anyone know who wrote this Dulwich Hamlet Supporters’ Club newsletter from the beginning of the 1979/80 football season? And are there any more issues knocking around?

This particular one (pictured) is made up of two and a half pages of ‘news’ printed on two sheets of foolscap paper, stapled together. Unfortunately we only have part of the first page, but it gives a fascinating glimpse of ‘fanzine style’ material from the nineteen seventies.Presumably the real Hamlet related content is on the other pages. 

Newsletter No.1

Firstly, let me welcome-you to the start of another new season; also apologies for this belated Newsletter. I was very pleasantly surprised at the vast numbers of people (two to be precise) who were quite upset that they were kept waiting for this load of rubbish to appear, I didn't know you cared, you genuinely wanted it (don't we all) when is “IT” coming out; well it's been out a lot, but you've probably not noticed it - I keep blaming the cold weather.
Apparently it is now the “IN” thing to be mentioned, and of course, insulted in the Newsletter – albeit nicely. So for the benefit of new readers – I report what goes on – what comes off and who does what, who with, and why. If I don't know, I make it up. I try to rake it amusing, with not a lot of success, and bring to your notice other items of news you may have missed, and sincerely hope it is received in the same light-hearted manner which it is intended – PHEW!!!!!!!!
Incidents, however small (and no-one has a smaller one than me) will be blown up out of all proportion, making me a dot on the card for a libel suit. (There was a temptation to mention Burtons but I won’t). If by any possible chance this does happen, please, please, please, get Nick Robinson to represent you. By doing this not only will I win the case, but get costs as well. (Love you really, Nick).
Circumstances beyond my control has made me an absentee for the start of the season; one of these circumstances being, I had to take my holidays a wee bit later this year. The reason for this was; we had slight booking problems – the truth is, nobody wanted us. I then heard that Ron Dennington and Hector MacDonald had booked up to go to Malta; so I thought, if they let them in, they would let anybody in. This proved correct, so here we are, in this haven of dust and rock.
I was asked to have something ready for the presses by the time I got home, so why not sit back comfortably on the toilet, and read a few of my impressions, before doing with it what you should have done earlier.
MALTA – now there's a place I shall recommend to all my enemies, where drivers have six accidents to the gallon. Let me start with the good point, the weather – now that is superb – well, that didn't take long, did it???
As I sit here in my made to measure deck-chair I am fascinated, watching all the very well proportioned young ladies, fighting a losing battle, trying to put back those very well-proportioned things that keep popping out. Giving this my undivided attention, I have now come to the conclusion that Eileen is a man.
As I have said, the weather's a bit tasty; I personally I don't like the Sun – come to think of it, I'm not all that fond of the daughter; so the only time I venture out from under my made-to-measure sun-shade is when I want to piddle – sorry paddle in the sea – no, I was right the first time.
But, wait a minute, people are running away in terror – Oh, it’s all right, it’s only Eileen returning after a swim, just like Ursula Andress did in the film Dr. No. Unfortunately she looks more like Dr. No.
Apparently quite a bit of smuggling goes on here (people trying to escape) it's comforting to know we are being protected by the never-ending vigilance of the Maltese Navy, who continually patrol the shores in their camouflaged rowing boat. What about the hotel? – well I must say in all fairness, improvements have just started they have now done away with the gas-chamber. They have still got the iron bars up at the windows, if you're lucky enough to have windows – we don't. Do you know, our room is so dark there are bats hanging from the ceiling. When you are marched down to the Dining Room you are strapped to the chair, and are … [End of available content]

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